TV Guide: Family Guy

Quagmire's Baby

Sun, 15 Nov 2009 21:00:00 -0500

Sun Nov 15 09:00 PM FOX Quagmire becomes a not-so-proud papa and quickly realizes that fatherhood crimps his style. He also sells a ham radio to Peter, who uses it to communicate with the ghost of Ronald Reagan. Meanwhile, Stewie clones himself. Voice of Candy: Brittany Snow.

Brian the Bachelor

Thu, 12 Nov 2009 23:00:00 -0500

Thu Nov 12 11:00 PM CARTOON “The Bachelorette” comes to Quahog looking for contestants, and Brian and Quagmire are selected. Meanwhile, Chris makes friends with a pimple of his---which can talk---and he names it Doug. Bachelorette: Jessica Biel. Dermatologist: Dr. Drew (“Loveline”).

Patriot Games

Thu, 12 Nov 2009 20:30:00 -0500

Thu Nov 12 08:30 PM TBS Peter's broken-field run to the bathroom at his high-school reunion so impresses New England Patriots QB Tom Brady (who provides his own voice) that the next thing Peter knows, he's a Patriot, too. Meanwhile, it's Carol Channing vs. Mike Tyson on Fox's “Celebrity Boxing,” and Brian places a losing bet on the bout with bookie Stewie, who demands quick payment. Or else.

Deep Throats

Thu, 12 Nov 2009 20:00:00 -0500

Thu Nov 12 08:00 PM TBS When cabbie Brian gets a $400 parking ticket, he decides that Mayor West (voice of Adam West) is corrupt and sets out to expose him. This doesn't sit well with Meg, who is the mayor's new intern. Meanwhile, Peter and Lois decide to write songs for a talent show, so they smoke some marijuana for “inspiration.”

Petarded

Wed, 11 Nov 2009 23:30:00 -0500

Wed Nov 11 11:30 PM CARTOON Peter takes a test for a genius grant and flunks it, to say the least. As his doctor tells him: “You are just over the line of mental retardation.” Guest voices include Gary Cole, Michael York and Cloris Leachman.

The Cleveland-Loretta Quagmire

Wed, 11 Nov 2009 23:00:00 -0500

Wed Nov 11 11:00 PM CARTOON Peter and Brian set out to help Cleveland get his manhood back after they catch his wife in bed with Quagmire. Guest voices include Macho Man Randy Savage as himself.

Stu & Stewie's Excellent Adventure

Tue, 10 Nov 2009 23:30:00 -0500

Tue Nov 10 11:30 PM CARTOON Stewie travels 35 years into the future and doesn't like what he finds: himself, who's known as Stu as an adult. So Stewie goes about remaking Stu's life, despite Stu's objections. Kiefer Sutherland has a cameo as himself.

Bango Was His Name-O

Tue, 10 Nov 2009 23:00:00 -0500

Tue Nov 10 11:00 PM CARTOON California, here they come---Stewie and Brian head to San Francisco in Quagmire's van to search for the man Stewie's convinced is his real father. Meanwhile, Lois and Peter “help” Chris and Meg with their dating skills to get them out of the house. Jennie Garth, Jason Priestley and Tori Spelling have voice cameos in their “Beverly Hills, 90210” roles.

Stewie B. Goode

Mon, 09 Nov 2009 23:30:00 -0500

Mon Nov 9 11:30 PM CARTOON Following a near-death experience, Stewie decides to turn over a new leaf and be nice---but it drives him to drink. Meanwhile, Peter becomes Quahog's newest TV star, ranting about his pet peeves in a commentary segment on Ch. 5 news titled “Grind My Gears.” Noel Blanc, the son of longtime cartoon voice Mel Blanc, provides the voice of Elmer Fudd.

Tales of a Third Grade Nothing

Mon, 09 Nov 2009 22:30:00 -0500

Mon Nov 9 10:30 PM TBS Peter strives for a promotion at the brewery because he wants a key to the executive bathroom, but first he has to go back to school because he never passed third grade. Meanwhile, Brian and Frank Sinatra Jr. (who provides his own voice) buy the down-on-its-heels Quahog Cabana Club, but it's Stewie who livens it up. Voice of Angela: Carrie Fisher.

The Man With Two Brians

Mon, 09 Nov 2009 22:00:00 -0500

Mon Nov 9 10:00 PM TBS Eight-year-old Brian (who is 56 in dog years) seems to have lost a step or two, so Peter gets a new talking dog---New Brian---to "take some of the load off" the old one, who doesn't like the idea at all. Johnny Knoxville has a voice cameo as himself.

Baby Not on Board

Mon, 09 Nov 2009 21:30:00 -0500

Mon Nov 9 09:30 PM TBS Peter gets a year's supply of free gasoline and takes the family on a driving vacation. Destination: the Grand Canyon. The only thing missing: Stewie, who's inadvertently left home alone.

Road to Germany

Mon, 09 Nov 2009 21:00:00 -0500

Mon Nov 9 09:00 PM TBS Mort Goldman mistakenly enters Stewie's time machine (he thought it was a bathroom) and is transported back to Poland on Sept. 1, 1939. It's the day of his grandparents' wedding, as it happens, but the Nazis interrupt the reception.

I Dream of Jesus

Mon, 09 Nov 2009 20:30:00 -0500

Mon Nov 9 08:30 PM TBS Peter makes friends with Jesus Christ, who works in the record store Peter goes to in order to replace his copy of the 1963 Trashmen hit "Surfin' Bird," which Brian and Stewie had destroyed because Peter wouldn't stop playing it.

Love, Blactually

Mon, 09 Nov 2009 20:00:00 -0500

Mon Nov 9 08:00 PM TBS In the seventh-season opener, Brian falls in love with a woman he meets in a bookstore, but Stewie urges him to take the relationship slowly, then proceeds to see that he does. This leaves an opening for the lovelorn Cleveland (voice of Mike Henry, who wrote the script). Meredith Baxter has a voice cameo as herself.

The Juice Is Loose

Sun, 08 Nov 2009 23:00:00 -0500

Sun Nov 8 11:00 PM CARTOON Peter cashes in a winning 1989 raffle ticket that he had lost. The prize: a round of golf with O.J. Simpson. Peter, who had been unaware of Simpson's notoriety, thinks this is a fine idea. Not surprisingly, no one else does.

No Meals on Wheels

Sun, 08 Nov 2009 22:30:00 -0500

Sun Nov 8 10:30 PM CARTOON The Griffins open a restaurant that finds a niche---with Joe and his handicapped friends. But Peter wants to attract a different crowd. Meanwhile, Peter buys a pair of pajamas with feet, and discovers that when he rubs his feet against carpet he can create enough static electricity to give people shocks. He's the only Griffin who finds this funny.

Hannah Banana

Sun, 08 Nov 2009 21:00:00 -0500

Sun Nov 8 09:00 PM FOX Stewie gets to know Hannah Montana (voice of singer Candace Marie) when she arrives in Quahog for a concert, and discovers something surprising about her. And Chris finally meets the Evil Monkey, who has been bedeviling him, and finds that he's not so evil after all.

Brian's Got a Brand New Bag

Sun, 08 Nov 2009 20:00:00 -0500

Sun Nov 8 08:00 PM FOX Brian falls in love with an older woman, and he takes flak from the rest of the Griffins for it. Meanwhile, Peter goes on a kicking kick (he kicks just about everyone he meets) after watching the movie "Road House."